Irreconcilable Differences

It's heart-breaking how high the divorce rate is, especially in this country. What's worse is seeing and hearing that the cause of divorce is often 'irreconcilable differences' or 'incompatibility.' 


The truth is, we’re all incompatible and we all have differences that are irreconcilable without God. The reason these couples resort to claiming 'irreconcilable' is because they tried to sustain their marriage and love each other without God’s help and divine intervention. 


We know that he instituted marriage and said it was good in his Word (see Genesis 2:24). But I think when we read over the scripture, we really miss the word “become” in “they will become one flesh.” So we start out as separate individuals and become one, not just through physical intimacy, but through an emotional, spiritual and mental union. This is a long and often uncomfortable process. But it can be done! And it is meant to be done in order for us to become more like Christ, to glorify God in our earthly, romantic relationship and to achieve a deeper love and joy with our companion. 


Unless physical abuse or adultery is occurring, I think divorce is taking the easy way out. It’s choosing to quit when things get hard and you feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that it will take to stay together. But marriage not only involves work, it requires it (side note: we also can't live according to our feelings in everything we do. This is a human, flesh trait, not a godly trait. Our feelings will not always be in agreement with what is the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean we should follow them). The good news is, we don’t have to do that work alone. Thank goodness! because there are days it feels like you need a miracle to get through a life struggle with your spouse or to be able to like them despite their behavior. That miracle is God’s grace! He helps us reconcile our differences and become more compatible with each other so that we are unified under his leadership. Again I say, as I have many times, a marriage cannot work without God at the center of it with both husband and wife obeying His will, adopting His selfless attitude and relying on His strength. 


We could all get a divorce based on irreconcilable differences or incompatibility.  What’s less common and more special is choosing not to. Choosing instead to allow God to change us and help us love the other person. Choosing to stay together for the sake of honoring God’s will and perfect plan for marriage, for the sake of our children, and for the sake of our own long-term happiness. Choosing not to get a divorce shows other couples and the next generation that God is with us. He is real and good. Because there's no other way or explanation for a marriage to last, staying healthy and enjoyable throughout life's trials.


Perhaps if "irreconcilable differences" wasn't an option for getting a divorce, the divorce rate in America wouldn't be at 50% today (that means one in every two couples won't stay together!) More importantly, if more people handed over their marriages, desires, feelings, temptations, doubts, frustrations, questions, struggles, and relationship issues over to God and trusted him for help, then more marriages would be saved and we'd have less broken homes and broken hearts.